Engaging Men and Boys in Achieving Gender Equality: THE RIO CALL TO ACTION

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The Rio Engaging Men and Boys symposium had an ambitious set of goals, including: increasing men’s and boys’ involvement in promoting gender equality and reducing violence against women by scaling up existing work; building skills and capacity of NGOs committed to working with men and boys for gender equality; promoting dialogue between existing NGO efforts, policy makers and the private sector; highlighting existing policies and best practices that could be reproduced to promote greater gender equality through the involvement of men and boys; and to build, strengthen, and expand a growing international network of programs, activists and policy makers dedicated to engaging men and boys in gender equality.
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Over five days at the end of March and beginning of April nearly 450 men and women from around the world made their way to Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. Their goal: to chart a course on the next leg of the journey to healthy manhood. The symposium, “Engaging Men and Boys in Achieving Gender Equality,” was hosted by an alliance of organizations with long histories toiling in the vineyards of gender justice. The harvest they brought to Rio included inspiration, hopefulness, excitement and gratitude, eagerly shared with delegates from countries on every continent on the globe. Hosts included the Rio-based Promundo; Instituto Papai, also from Brazil; the White Ribbon Campaign from Canada, the United Nations Population Fund (UNFPA); Save the Children Sweden and the MenEngage Alliance, a global network of organizations and programs engaging men and boys in gender equality.

Delegates met at a hotel across from the Atlantic Ocean where gentle waves lapped along a sweep of beach beneath the legendary 1300 foot-high Pao de Acucar (Sugar Loaf), a mountain at the mouth of Guanabara Bay. Plenary sessions were simultaneously translated into English, Spanish and Portuguese, where “possibility” seemed like a word in Esperanto—conveying the energy of that the gathering might be able to accelerate the pace of change in addressing the symposium’s three overarching themes: 1) Men and violence, including men’s use of physical violence against women, sexual violence, and the gendered dimensions of violence between men; 2) Men and health, including sexual and reproductive health, HIV/AIDS, substance use, maternal and child health, and mental health; and 3) Men, care giving and fatherhood, including work-life balance and engaging men to a greater extent in care giving, often in the context of HIV/AIDS.

While a centerpiece of the Symposium was a Global Village of booths showcasing the work of U.N. agencies, governments, foundations, universities and grassroots activist organization — including Voice Male — it was hotel conversations over breakfast and lunch, and late night gatherings at restaurants and cafes in Ipanema and other night spots around Rio that sizzled with international shop talk. Names seen on email listservs for years came to life as colleagues from Namibia and Norway and India and Australia broke bread together.

Throughout the gathering delegates had ample opportunities to view an uplifting global photography exhibit on fatherhood, “Engaging Men for Positive Change,” offering a tender international perspective on men nurturing children.

By the last day, tired, inspired and facing long flights home, the delegates got a final energy boost: the first public presentation of the “Rio Call to Action” read by many voices, in many languages, with a shared vision of a healed, whole world.

A CALL TO ACTION - preamble

We come from 80 countries. We are men and women, young and old, working side by side with respect and shared goals. We are active in community organizations, religious and educational institutions; we are representatives of governments, NGOs and the United Nations. We speak many languages, we look like the diverse peoples of the world and carry their diverse beliefs and religions, cultures, physical abilities, and sexual and gender identities. We are indigenous peoples, immigrants, and ones whose ancestors moved across the planet. We are fathers and mothers, daughters and sons, brothers and sisters, partners and lovers, husbands and wives. What unites us is our strong outrage at the inequality that still plagues the lives of women and girls, and the self-destructive demands we put on boys and men. But even more so, what brings us together here is a powerful sense of hope, expectation, and possibility for we have seen the capacity of men and boys to change, to care, to cherish, to love passionately, and to work for justice for all.

To read the entire Call go to http://www.engagingmen2009.org/24/.

Reinventing Father’s Day

In a world where too many fathers and men are angry, hurt, and hurting others, maybe it’s time for a moratorium on conventional Father’s Day gift giving. Maybe some of the millions going to Hallmark and Wal-Mart could be better directed to a fund supporting women’s and children’s safety.

By Rob Okun

How can we comfortably celebrate Father’s Day in the middle of a domestic violence epidemic? Yes, suffering and celebrating are simultaneous truths in life. But there is an urgency —and opportunity— right now to transform this holiday. Fatherhood has perhaps never been more visible than today, in part because of the current occupant of the White House (and the vice-president, who for many years was a single dad). Let’s seize the moment to transform the day from one of consumerism to one of activism.

Even though it’s a minority of men who perpetrate violence against women, the results are devastating. Think what it could mean if Father’s Day became a time men stepped forward as peacemakers in our families. Grandfathers, sons, brothers, uncles, nephews, cousins, and neighbors could all be involved. There would be plenty of time for suppertime barbeques if we spent Father’s Day advocating on behalf of women’s and girls safety and, as a byproduct, for boys and men’s growth. If we can’t work to achieve peace in our homes how can we expect to end violence between nations?

Scan the headlines and there’s likely to be a story about a guy who’s beaten up his wife or girlfriend. Where I live in western Massachusetts, a man recently beat to death the daughter of friends’ of friends. It knocked the wind out of me. I never get used to it.

Over the years I’ve spoken at rallies in the aftermath of domestic violence murders and it never gets easier. A minority of men are perpetuating a cruel lie that says it’s okay for men to beat the woman they proclaim to love. Outrageous. It’s got to stop.

I know the vast majority of fathers —and men— aren’t violent. Yet there’s a small, vocal element out there promoting a dangerous, tough guy brand of masculinity. If the majority of nonviolent men stand mute, then manhood ends up being defined by screaming dads threatening coaches at Little League games, Rush Limbaugh and his ilk, and untold brooding brothers-in-law restricting contact with your sister. We can’t let that happen. The days of, “Hey, I’m a good guy, I don’t abuse my wife, assault women, or insist her 'no' really meant 'yes'" should long be over. To challenge a twisted definition of masculinity that condones men subjugating women requires leaving the sidelines of silence for the playing fields of action. It’s a cop out to claim this epidemic is a women’s issue. For decades women have been doing the heavy lifting to prevent domestic violence. More men need to join. Now.

To start, we need to take a hard look at the privilege and entitlement we’ve long assumed as our birthright. We have to be willing to ditch the old model of men as king of the castle. There are greater rewards across the moat in the vineyards of equality: an increase in emotional literacy. Closer connections with the women and other men in our lives. Deeper relationships with our children.

Much has been made of President Obama taking his wife on a couple of dates recently. Commentators have been a twitter with how unfair many men felt it was, claiming the president had raised the relationship bar too high. President Obama deserves no extra points for paying attention to his marriage or his children. Sure, he’s modeling how a man and father ought to act but he’d undoubtedly agree that he merits no special pat on the back for doing so.

The idea behind Father’s Day as a time to acknowledge what it takes to raise children —and the precious gift of being a parent— is a wonderful reason to celebrate. But in a world where too many fathers and men are angry, hurt, and hurting others, maybe it’s time for a moratorium on conventional Father’s Day gift giving. Maybe some of the millions going to Hallmark and Wal-Mart could be better directed to a fund supporting women’s and children’s safety, and boys’ and men’s education. Maybe the president and vice-president would be among the first to make
contributions. That would be a stimulus package I could really get behind.

~ Rob Okun is editor of VOICE MALE magazine and chair of the national advisory board of the Men’s Resource Center for Change. A psychotherapist and justice of the peace in Amherst, Massachusetts, he is a husband and father of four. He can be reached at rob(at)voicemalemagazine.org.

Eve Ensler celebrates VOICE MALE

I celebrate you, Rob Okun, for standing with women in the struggle to end violence against women and girls. Your brave magazine, VOICE MALE, is bringing forward the new vision and voices of manhood which will inevitably shift this paradigm and create a world where we are all safe and free. Bless you for it.
-- Eve Ensler

One year ago, April 11 and 12, 2008, Eve Ensler and friends celebrated V-Day’s ten-year anniversary, V TO THE TENTH, at the New Orleans Arena and Louisiana Superdome. You can get the feel of this fabulous celebration by watching this video.

Rio Declaration

*****At the close of the four day symposium, */*Engaging Men and
Boys on Achieving Gender Equality */*a** sweeping Call to Action was
issued.*

Just before the nearly 450 delegates--men and women from some 80
countries--headed home to dozens of countries from the Netherlands to
Norway, South Africa to Spain, Peru to Sweden, Namibia to Nepal, Uganda
to India to name a handful, a declaration, a "Call to Action" was
drafted (see below). It was the culmination of an inspiring series of
workshops and plenary sessions, augmented by spirited conversations over
late night dinners, early morning walks along the beach, and impromptu
meetings in the atrium where the Rio conference took place. The mood was
electric all week as activists and researchers, educators and policy
makers created a community with a shared vision of gender equality.

The daunting task before the delegates was mitigated by a buoyant sense
of hope. The legion of committed men following the lead of women in
agitating, educating and advocating to prevent violence against women
provided a powerful foundation for the gathering. Concern for men's
health and a championing of men's roles as fathers and nurturers rounded
out the ambitious gathering's major themes. But beyond the workshops and
plenaries was the palpable feeling of connection among the delegates.
Women and men forged friendships with other women and men across the
chasms of language and culture. More than the simultaneous translations
into Portuguese, English or Spanish, it was the language of change
delegates all spoke fluently. As we began to disperse at week's end,
exchanging hugs was just as important as exchanging business cards. The
movement for gender justice is growing along with a global consciousness
that is articulating a vision of a world at peace. The struggles we face
in our home countries, in our states and cities, in our homes and
families may remain but for those in Rio at the beginning of April we
experienced a lightening of the heart. May we feel it as a drumbeat of
peace in the days ahead.

The Rio Declaration

actionbanner1
*Global Symposium on Engaging Men and Boys on Achieving Gender Equality
Rio de Janeiro, Brasil
March 29 – April 3, 2009*

*PART ONE: PREAMBLE*
We come from eighty countries. We are men and women, young and old,
working side by side with respect and shared goals. We are active in
community organizations, religious and educational institutions; we are
representatives of governments, NGOs and the United Nations. We speak
many languages, we look like the diverse peoples of the world and carry
their diverse beliefs and religions, cultures, physical abilities, and
sexual and gender identities. We are indigenous peoples, immigrants, and
ones whose ancestors moved across the planet. We are fathers and
mothers, daughters and sons, brothers and sisters, partners and lovers,
husbands and wives.

What unites us is our strong outrage at the inequality that still
plagues the lives of women and girls, and the self-destructive demands
we put on boys and men. But even more so, what brings us together here
is a powerful sense of hope, expectation, and possibility for we have
seen the capacity of men and boys to change, to care, to cherish, to
love passionately, and to work for justice for all.

We are outraged by the pandemic of violence women face at the hands of
some men, by the relegation of women to second class status, and the
continued domination by men of our economies, of our politics, of our
social and cultural institutions, in far too many of our homes. We also
know that among women there are those who fare even worse because of
their social class, their religion, their language, their physical
differences, their ancestry, their sexual orientation, or simply where
they live.

There are deep costs to boys and men from the ways our societies have
defined men's power and raised boys to be men. Boys deny their humanity
in search of an armor-plated masculinity. Young men and boys are
sacrificed as cannon fodder in war for those men of political, economic,
and religious power who demand conquest and domination at any cost. Many
men cause terrible harm to themselves because they deny their own needs
for physical and mental care or lack services when they are in need.

Too many men suffer because our male-dominated world is not only one of
power of men over women, but of some groups of men over others. Too many
men, like too many women, live in terrible poverty, in degradation, or
are forced to do body- or soul-destroying work to put food on the table.

Too many men carry the deep scars of trying to live up to the impossible
demands of manhood and find terrible solace in risk-taking, violence,
self-destruction or the drink and drugs sold to make a profit for
others. Too many men experience violence at the hands of other men.

Too many men are stigmatized and punished for the simple fact they love,
desire and have sex with other men.

We are here because we know that the time when women stood alone in
speaking out against discrimination and violence – that this time is
coming to an end.

We also know this: This belief in the importance of engaging men and
boys is no longer a remote hope. We see the emergence of organizations
and campaigns that are directly involving hundreds of thousands,
millions of men in almost every country on the planet. We hear men and
boys speaking out against violence, practicing safer sex, and supporting
women's and girl's reproductive rights. We see men caring, loving, and
nurturing for other men and for women. We see men who embrace the daily
challenges of looking after babies and children, and delight in their
capacity to be nurturers. We see many men caring for the planet and
rejecting conquering nature just as men once conquered women.

We are gathering not simply to celebrate our first successes, but, with
all the strength we possess, to appeal to parents, teachers, and
coaches, to the media and businesses, to our governments, NGOs,
religious institutions, and the United Nations, to mobilize the
political will and economic resources required to increase the scale and
impact of work with men and boys to promote gender equality. We know how
critical it is that institutions traditionally controlled by men reshape
their policies and priorities to support gender equality and the
well-being of women, children, and men. And we know that a critical part
of that is to reshape the world of men and boys, the beliefs of men and
boys, and the lives of men and boys.
*
PART TWO: THE PLAN OF ACTION*
*The Evidence Base is There*: New initiatives and programs to engage men
and boys in gender equality provides a growing body of evidence that
confirms it is possible to change men's gender-related attitudes and
practices. Effective programs and processes have led men and boys to
stand up against violence and for gender equality in both their personal
lives and their communities. These initiatives not only help deconstruct
harmful masculinities, but reconstruct more gender equitable ones.
Global research makes it increasingly clear that working with men and
boys can reduce violence, improve relationships, strengthen the work of
the women's movement, improve health outcomes of women and men, girls
and boys, and that it is possible to accelerate this change through
deliberate interventions.

*Working with the Women's Movement*: The work with men and boys stems
from and honors the pioneering work and ongoing leadership of the
women's movement. We stand in solidarity with the ongoing struggles for
women's empowerment and rights in our commitment to contribute to the
myriad efforts to achieve gender equality. By working in close synergy
with women's rights organizations, we aim to change individual men's
attitudes and practices, and transform the imbalance of power between
men and women in relationships, families, communities, institutions and
nations.
*
International and UN Commitments*: Through the UN and other
international agreements, the nations of the world have committed
themselves to taking action to involve men and boys in achieving of
gender equality. Policy makers have an obligation to act on these
commitments to develop, implement and evaluate policy and programming
approaches to working with men. These commitments provide civil society
activists with leverage to demand rapid implementation.

These international commitments include:
**

* *The 1994 International Conference on Population and Development *
* *The Programme of Action of the World Summit on Social Development
(1995) *
* *The Beijing Platform for Action (1995) *
* *The twenty-sixth special session of the General Assembly on
HIV/AIDS (2001) *
* *The United Nations Commission on the Status of Women (CSW), at
its 48th session in 2004*

To achieve transformative and sustainable social change around gender
inequalities, we must go beyond scattered, short-term and small scale
interventions and harness all efforts towards systemic, large-scale, and
coordinated action. /*The time has come for us to fulfill these commitments.
*/
*PART THREE: A PLATFORM FOR ACTION*
*Violence against women*: For too long, all forms of violence including
humiliation and emotional violenceagainst women and girls has been seen
primarily as a "women's issue" and has been invisible, regarded as a
private matter and been the concern of the women's movement. Patriarchal
structures sustain this impunity and endorses men's silence on this
issue. Men and boys' accountability and engagement for social
transformation is essential to bring violence free lives for women and
girls.

*Violence against children*: Girls and boys suffer from abuse and
violence, including corporal and other forms of humiliating and
degrading punishment, in the home, , school and institutions that should
protect them. Gender norms are implicated in this violence by condoning
different forms of violence for boys and girls. Thiscalls for a life
cycle approach, engaging with boys to understand the consequences for
violent behavior and take positive action for violence prevention.

*Violence Among Men*: We also have to address different forms of
violence amongstmen and boys that include armed conflict, gang violence,
\ school bullying and homophobic crimes. Inequity is also at the core of
these manifestations of violence, risk taking and seeking of dominance
of other men. Men's own experiences of violence have devastating effects
on us all and create repeating cycles of violence. .
*
Violence In Armed Conflict*: In wars, communal, ethnic based and other
forms of armed conflict young men are treated as expendable and sent to
their deaths in large numbers. Militaries and other armed groups that
violate international laws on the treatment of civilians in conflict
explicitly condone and even encourage the use of sexual violence as a
method of warfare, explicitly privileging militarized models of
masculinity and ensuring that those men who do refuse violence are
belittled and subject to stigma including homophobic violence. Girls and
boys are increasingly drawn into armed conflict, both as victims and
perpetrators. We call on national governments, to uphold Security
Council Resolutions including 1308, 1325, 1612 and 1820 and to
proactively contribute to the elimination of all forms of gendered
violence, including in times of armed conflict.

*Men, work and the global political economy*: Men's roles are strongly
influenced by the global political economy. The values competition,
consumption, and aggressive accumulation and assertion of power –
military, economic, financial, social or cultural, reinforce practices
of domination and use of violence at the interpersonal and community
levels throughout the life-cycle. The dominant economic models have led
to increasing economic vulnerability, frequent forced migration and lost
livelihoods .. We must challenge the economic and political policies and
institutions that drive inequalities.

*Fatherhood*: Responsible, committed and involved fatherhood is an
essential component of any attempt to transform families and societies
into new norms that better reflect gender equity, child rights and
shared parenting responsibilities and enjoyment. It is in the home that
gender inequality is at its most powerful and sometimes most hidden.
Positive fatherhood therefore plays an important part in challenging the
intergenerational transmission of damaging stereotypes and power
relations. More commitment must be demonstrated to strengthening father
roles and supporting men to realize their potential to facilitate their
children's attitudes and practices and, as men heal themselves from
damaging and restrictive negative gender roles.

*Men as Caregivers*: Societies expect women and girls to take
responsibility for the care work that sustains and replenishes families,
communities, economies and societies, including raising children and
taking care of the sick and the elderly. This frequently prevents women
and girls from accessing their fundamental human rights to health,
education, employment and full political participation. Governments,
civil society organisations, UN agencies, the private sector anddonor
organisations must put in place strategies that shift gender norms and
encourage men to share with women the joys and burdens of caring for others.
*
Sexual and Gender Diversities and Sexual Rights*: There are profound
diversities among men and boys in their sexual and gender identities and
relations. Formal and informal patterns of sexual injustice, homophobia,
social exclusion and oppression throughout the world shape men´s and
boys' access to civil rights, health care, personal safety, and the
recognition and affirmation of their intimate relations. Constructions
of masculinity in many contexts are based on ruthless hostility to
gendered sexual behaviours that contradict dominant patriarchal norms,
and policed through heterosexist violence. Programming and policy
engaging men and boys must recognize and affirm sexual diversity among
men and boys, and support the positive rights of men of all sexualities
to sexual pleasure and well-being.

*Men's and Boys' Gender Related Vulnerabilities*: Men and boys die early
from preventable diseases, accidents and violence. Most men have higher
death rates for the same sicknesses that affect women. We need to
promote health among boys and young men and enable them to acquire
health seeking behaviours for themselves, as well as for their families.
The emotional and subjective level and personal experience of men and
boys has to be addressed to better understand the root problems like
violence suicide, drug abuse, accidents and the lack of a health seeking
behaviour. Though it is not often mentioned mental health dimensions are
always present in other issues dealing with sexual and reproductive
health, fathering and gender based violence. Gender responsive and
socio-culturally sensitive mental health programs and services are
needed to address and prevent these issues at community level.
*
Sexual Exploitation*: Men's use of sexual violence results from social
norms that condone the exploitation of women and girls, boys and men.
Objectification and commodification of women and girls and boys and men
normalizes violent and coercive sexual behaviours. Ending sexual
violence and exploitation requires holistic strategies from the global
to local level to engage men and boys in challenging attitudes that give
men dominance, and treating all human beings with dignity and respect.
*
Sexual and Reproductive Health and Rights*: Sexual and reproductive
health and rights (SRHR) are largely considered as only a women's
domain, leaving women and girls responsible for their own sexual health,
and that of their families and communities. In a sexual health context,
men often do not have access to or use services although they behave in
ways that put them and their partners at serious risk. It is essential
that we work with men and boys to fully support and promote the SRHR of
women, girls, boys and other men, and that health services address
issues of power and proactively promote gender equality. Such services
should help men to identify and address their own sexual and
reproductive health needs and rights. This requires us to advance sexual
rights, and to adopt a positive, human-rights based approach to
everyone's sexuality.

*HIV and AIDS*: HIV and AIDS continues to devastate communities across
the world. Gender inequalities and rigid gender roles exacerbate the
spread and the impact of the epidemic, making it difficult for women and
girls to negotiate sexual relations and leaving women and girls with the
burden of caring for those with AIDS related illnesses. Definitions of
masculinity that equate manhood with dominance over sexual partners, the
pursuit of multiple partners and a willingness to take risks while
simultaneously depicting health seeking behavior as a sign of weakness,
increase the likelihood that men will contract and pass on the virus.
Governments, UN agencies and civil society must take urgent action to
implement evidence-based prevention, treatment, care and support
strategies that address the gendered dimensions of HIV and AIDS, meet
the needs of people living with HIV and AIDS, ensure access to
treatment, challenge stigma and discrimination and support men to reduce
their risk taking behaviors and improve their access to and use of HIV
services.

*Youth*: Young men and women have a right to early and active
involvement in initiatives that promote gender equality. Societies must
create an environment where girls and boys are viewed as equals, enjoy
dignified labour and easy access to quality education, and live lives
free from violence, including forced marriage, are supported to create
equitable relationships,

*Environment*: One result of harmful masculinities has been the attempt
to dominate nature. With catastrophic climate change and laying the
oceans, the forests, and land to waste, this quest has had disastrous
outcomes. All levels of our societies must urgently act to reverse the
damage done and facilitate the process of healing.

*Celebrating diversity*: We stress that debate, action and policies on
gender relations and gender equities will have the most effective and
positive impact when they include an understanding and celebrating of
our differences based on race, ethnicity, age, sexual and gender
diversities, religion, physical ability and class.

*Resources*: Resources allocated to women's equality must be increased.
We seek not to divert resources from these initiatives but argue for the
need to increase resources overall to achieve gender equality, including
men and boys. .

*Strengthening the evidence base*: It is vital to continue to build the
evidence base for gender transformative programs through research and
program evaluations, to determine which strategies are most successful
in different cultural contexts.

*Part Four: The Call To Action*

1. Individuals should take action within their communities and be
agents of change to promote gender equality.
2. Community based organisations should continue their groundbreaking
work to challenge the status quo of gender and other inequalities
and actively model social change.
3. Non-governmental organisations should develop and build on
programs, interventions and services that are based on the needs,
rights and aspirations of their communities, are accountable and
reflect the principles in this document. They should develop
synergies with other relevant social movements, and establish
mechanisms for monitoring and reporting on government commitments.
4. Governments should repeal all discriminatory laws and act on their
existing international and UN obligations and commitments,
prioritise and allocate resources to gender transformative
interventions, and develop policies, frameworks and concrete
implementation plans that advance this agenda, including through
working with other governments and adherence to the Paris Principles.
5. Private sector should promote workplaces that are gender equitable
and free from violence and exploitation, and direct their
corporate social responsibility towards inclusive social change.
6. Media and Entertainment industries role in maintaining and
reinforcing traditional and unequal gender norms has to be
addressed, confronted and alternatives supported.
7. Donors should redirect their resources towards the promotion of
inclusive programming for gender equality and inclusive social
justice, including changes to laws and policies, and develop
synergies amongst donors.
8. The United Nations must show leadership in these areas,
innovatively and proactively support member states to promote
gender equitable and socially transformative law, policy and
practice, including through interagency coordination as
articulated in the One UN approach.

We must invest in men and boys to become engaged in changing their
behavior and attitudes towards gender equality supported by communities,
systems and national policies.

--

Rob Okun, Editor
/Voice Male / magazine
male positive, pro-feminist
33 Gray St. Amherst, MA 01002
413.687-8171 rob@voicemalemagazine.org
new website under construction: www.voicemalemagazine.org
Chair, National Advisory Board, Men's Resource Center for Change

An 80 Country “Family” Reunion

by Rob Okun

Some 450 delegates from nearly 80 countries have gathered in Rio de Janeiro since Monday a four day conference on masculinity’s next steps, shining a the bright light of hope and possibility in the growing international effort to prevent violence against women, increase awareness about men’s health, including HIV/AIDS, and promote men’s roles as fathers and caregivers.

The Engaging Men and Boys conference on gender equality is the most ambitious and far-reaching ever undertaken, bringing together an international community of activists, researchers, policymakers, and leaders of NGOs, including the major United Nations’ programs addressing women and girls, boys, domestic and sexual violence, and AIDS/HIV.

The Hotel Intercontinental along Rio’s inviting coastline, dramatically situated in the shadow of breathtaking Sugarloaf Mountain, may have been an unlikely place to openly plot the next chapter in the evolution of masculinity, but the rainbow of delegates seemed up for the task.

Words alone during historic welcoming remarks from conference co-hosts, government officials and the leaders of major United Nations programs couldn’t adequately convey the face of the changing men’s movement or its sisterhood of collaborators. Even slowed by simultaneous translation into three languages—English, Portuguese, and Spanish—the buzz of energy and connection among the assembly was palpable.

After the speeches delegates strolled in the humid Rio evening to a gathering for food and drink and conversation. Clusters of men and women from nations in Africa, Northern Europe and Central America mingled with USAers and Canadians, Indians, and men and women from the Caribbean. The bright light of awareness and solidarity shone in they eyes of the delegates—some meeting for the first time; others colleagues of longstanding connection. There was a sense of deep knowing among those gathered, a recognition that they were part of a big family reunion with an ambitious agenda to tackle in the days ahead.

7.30 a.m., 31 March, 2009

From Rio to Washington: Masculinity’s Brave New World

by Rob Okun

More than a thousand men are gathering over the next two months in Rio de Janeiro, Washington, and New York to say yes to a new day for masculinity, yes to new possibilities for men. Activists, educators, policy makers, researchers — a veritable peace corps of committed men (augmented by equally committed women allies) are doing much more than sharing ideas, information and best practices to prevent men’s violence against women and promote healthy masculinity (as vitally important as those efforts are). They are also sharing a vision: a vision of men reaching deep within ourselves to uncover ways to grow personally and to play a part in directing a societal shift in how we comport ourselves out in the world, in our families, workplaces, communities and governments. Central to that vision is listening to, and learning from, women.

And that means acting responsibly and being accountable for our actions. Since visionaries in the modern-day women’s movement first pushed open the portal to personal growth and social transformation for themselves, their mothers, sisters and daughters, tens of millions have streamed through on a quest for justice. There was no sign at the entrance saying men weren’t allowed. It has only been our fear, our resistance, our unwillingness to acknowledge our privilege — and our vulnerability — that held some of us back.

And now our time has come. Over the past quarter century more men have stepped from the sidelines of silence onto the playing field of change. This spring’s conferences and symposia in Rio de Janeiro, Washington and New York — as well as other vital gatherings elsewhere around the world — are the culmination of years of work building a movement that not only rejects men’s violence against women but simultaneously supports men’s roles in crafting peaceful alternatives.

In Rio, the conference is called “Engaging Men and Boys in Achieving Gender Equality” (www.engagingmen2009.org); in Washington, it’s “Men and Women as Allies in the Primary Prevention of Men’s Violence Against Women” (www.mencanstoprape.org); and in New York, it’s “Stand Up and Speak Out to End Violence Against Women” (www.acalltomen.org). Whatever the name, the goal is the same — preventing violence against women and promoting healthy masculinity. I will be at the three conferences representing Voice Male, at the “Global Village” in Rio, providing magazines for participants, and sharing ideas on the future of new masculinity in Washington and New York.

As men have organized among ourselves, particularly these last two decades, developing programs and organizations to address the twin aims of challenging our violence and supporting our growth, women allies have welcomed us.

Today, new strategies for reaching men are being successfully tested in the marketplace of social change. Even in these economically treacherous times our “market share” is growing. Men from around the world have created and are creating powerful programs to engage men and boys. Mexico, Canada, Brazil, the United States, Norway, South Africa, India, and Sweden are among the countries where men are promoting gender equality and working to prevent violence against women and girls and supporting boys’ healthy development. Out of their endeavors have come calls to action for this year and beyond, calls that are centered around ratcheting up men’s efforts to prevent violence and that encourage forging new alliances with women’s and men’s groups working worldwide. We have a lot to teach one another.

The overarching theme of the four-day Engaging Men Symposium in Brazil offers a helpful framework for the week in, week out work men are doing around the world. “Men and Violence” includes addressing men’s use of physical violence against women, sexual violence, and the gendered dimensions of violence between men; “Men and Health” involves paying attention to sexual and reproductive health, HIV/AIDS, substance use, maternal and child health, and mental health; and “Men, Caregiving and Fatherhood” suggests focusing on the critical need for work-life balance and engaging men to more equally participate in caregiving. All those involved in men’s work today will be well served by exploring these themes.

Meanwhile, for anyone interested in seeing healthy masculinity promoted in the United States, the trio of major gatherings offers a connection to the changing culture in Washington. As President Obama charts a new course for the U.S. in its relations with the rest of the world—recasting the country as collaborative, thoughtful, and sensitive, and choosing negotiating over bullying — there is an opportunity for men of conscience to move our agenda of positive masculinity more squarely onto the international stage. The Obama-Biden brand of manhood seems more open to our message than any other administration in U.S. history.

Among those with a significant global reach who are promoting that message of positive masculinity is MenEngage (www.menengage.org), the umbrella organization for the global network to involve men and boys in gender equality. Its mission — to reduce gender inequalities and promote the health and well-being of women, men and children — is the foundation of the collective work of all the organizations and all the projects that VOICE MALE is committed to regularly chronicling.

As more men articulate a desire to balance inner growth and outer (social) action, new opportunities to connect will present themselves. Gatherings in places such as Rio, Washington, and New York remind us how far we’ve come from the old male buzz words of isolation and individualism. The watchwords for men today are collaboration and connection. Creating a new masculinity in this brave new world means letting go of flying solo in favor of taking the hand of another man. Look around. He may be right beside you ready to join in taking the next step.

My Father Is Still with Me

by Rob Okun

Were he still alive, my father would have turned 101 on New Year’s Day. At least that’s when we would have celebrated his birthday. Accurate record-keeping was rare in the village he came from in Pinsk, Russia. Growing up, Dad said his birthday may have been in mid-November since he was named Joseph, after the biblical figure whose Torah portion is chanted in synagogues at that time of year.

You may recall from Sunday school — or the hit musical Joseph and His Technicolor Dreamcoat — that Joseph was sold to a neighboring tribe by his brothers, jealous that he was their father’s favorite. His brothers also didn’t like the dreams Joseph had suggesting, that he, their much younger brother, was destined to lead them. When he went to find his shepherd-brothers tending their flock, they stripped him of his rainbow-colored tunic, threw him in a pit and prepared to slaughter him. Persuaded by another brother not to kill him, they settled on selling him to the Ishmaelites for 20 pieces of silver. The betrayal Joseph experienced may have been more dramatic than many of us have experienced — or have heard of — but his story still serves as a cautionary tale. Indeed, during his lifetime, my father and his family were betrayed by one of his brothers.

Biblical Joseph, although he arrived in Egypt as a slave, landed on his feet, eventually becoming an indispensable advisor to the Pharoah, especially valued for his ability to interpret dreams. My father, who arrived in the U.S. as boy, had a similar gift, not so much for dream work but for what’s essential to that work — understanding people and human nature. He knew that peoples’ fears and uncertainties about the future sometimes clouded their best thinking. He understood that sometimes longtime friends and allies harbor secret agendas. Nevertheless, he always did his utmost to find the best in everyone, along the way reaching for his highest self and standing for that possibilty in others. That’s one of the lessons I’ve learned from his life.

My father was patient, rarely raised his voice, and spoke so lovingly and respectfully to and about his wife, my mother, that without expressly lecturing about it, he modeled for his children both how to act toward women and how to be a man. He was unusually gentle — quiet, steady, calm under pressure, an effective leader. He was a devoted father, operated a successful business, and was honorary life president of our temple. He paid tribute to the dead by overseeing burials and maintaining the cemetery grounds. Growing up I got used to hearing the funeral director’s voice on the other end of the phone asking, “Is your father there?” Today, a hundred years after his birth and 20 years after his death, he remains my role model. I feel his presence in my life, stronger than ever.

In my work with men over the years, both at the Men’s Resource Center for Change and in my private counseling practice, I’ve always carried his quiet, steady love. I’ve witnessed the tearful yearning adult sons have for the soothing love a healthy relationship with their fathers can bring. Our work, which encourages men to cultivate their softer, gentler sides — to push past their resistance to maintaining the tough guise of conventional masculinity — invites men to open to healing the wounds of the past. MRC tries to show men how to not let those wounds obscure their vision in the present. Yet for some, it remains and arduous, perilous journey. They may appear to authentically express a gentler, humanized masculinity but are too bound up in their old hurts and the old ways to fully get there. But since a key characteristic of men’s work is that it’s an ongoing, lifelong process, a journey worth continuing.

We don’t know what Joseph’s brothers talked about on their way home after selling him into slavery. While one of his brothers went back (too late) to free him, the rest were too blind to revisit what they had done. Undoubtedly they didn’t ask themselves: “How can we uncover a more collaborative brand of masculinity when the old ways of competitive, manipulative masculinity still holds sway over us?” Today, all these generations later, conventional manhood’s grip still seeks to control our lives.

In our efforts to recognize, to understand, and to cultivate humanized masculinity, it’s important to learn to discern when that part of us is authentic and when it is pretense. This is critically important to any men’s work, essential to the process. We all need role models, our Josephs, to offer us a handhold in life. For the Biblical Joseph and for my father, it didn’t matter how heavy or how many colors adorned their coats since nothing could obscure their understanding of an open heart. May that someday be true for the rest of us.

Time for A National Teach-in on Men and Masculinity

by Rob Okun

This opinion piece from a year ago Valentine’s Day speaks about the need to organize a national teach-in on men and masculinity. While it was prompted by the senseless killings of five people by a troubled man perpetrated on a college campus near Chicago, the urgent need for a frank discussion of men—and not just those who are isolated, angry, and alone—can, perhaps, begin. With an administration in Washington more sensitive to these issues than ever before, to coin a phrase, this is our time.. Truth be told, at one time or another many men in our society feel isolated, angry and alone. I am no exception.

Even though it was again a man who went on another campus shooting spree, the national conversation has so far failed to focus on the root causes of this latest lethal outburst: men’s depression and how men are socialized. Until we acknowledge those issues, we can only expect more tragic bloodlettings.

The Valentine’s Day 2008 massacre at Northern Illinois University ended with five dead and 16 wounded before Steven Kazmierczak fatally turned one of his guns on himself. The multiple murders are the latest example of an expression of masculinity society continues to ignore at its peril. While a horrifying tragedy was unfolding on a campus 65 miles from Chicago, troubled men in tiny hamlets and big cities across the U.S. also were experiencing painful emotional episodes that few were paying attention to, including themselves. At organizations like the Men’s Resource Center for Change in Amherst, Massachusetts staff say they meet some of them and wish they could help more.

Men’s violence of the magnitude Kazmierczak perpetuated needs more than news shows inviting the likes of Dr. Phil on for analysis. We need a national teach-in on masculinity attended by doctors, social workers, teachers, clergy, the judiciary, legislators and parents. And the facilitators need to come from the ranks of those of us who have been examining male behavior and working with men and boys for the past 30 years.

The profile of the 27 year-old Kazmierczak follows a familiar pattern — a hospitalization for mental illness, a reticence to talk about his problems, a fascination with guns and, most tellingly, recently ceasing to take his depression medication. That he was in a two-year relationship with a young woman who said she was shocked to discover he had committed such a horrific act only adds to the tragedy of men hiding the secret of their mental anguish, especially from those they love.

The story isn’t about Kazmierczak opening fire at innocent students, as tragic as the loss of lives is. It’s about a society that still doesn’t acknowledge maleness as the singular characteristic tying together virtually every similar act of violence over the past decade. We’ve known it was masculinity since the shootings in Pearl, Mississippi in October, 1997; Jonesboro, Arkansas in March, 1998; Littleton, Colorado in April, 1999; Lancaster County, Pennsylvania in October, 2006; and, 10 months ago, by the slaughter at Virginia Tech. The inconvenient truth is not just that all the assailants have been male but that until we make that fact predominant all the observations the forensic psychologists the news programs trot out are pointless.

The conspiracy of silence about men and depression, men’s reticence to seek counseling, the health care community’s underreporting of the relationship between men’s mental health and a host of related problems — from alcoholism to heart disease—all have to be challenged. This is a campaign the Surgeon General needs to mount with all the resources of the one that changed social attitudes about smoking. The current social agreement about masculinity assumes a minority of men like Kazmierczak are an unavoidable part of male behavior.

Certainly society doesn’t sanction horrific mass killings, but we have compartmentalized these particular aberrant acts as a kind of “boys will be boys gone wild” — not as an endorsement but as an explanation of the inevitable. We can no longer ignore the fact that too many men live lives of quiet desperation—it isn’t just the loner who doesn’t talk with anyone about life’s struggle. Most of us men, at one time or another go underground with our feelings as part of a misguided strategy to better negotiate our lives. In Kazmierczak’s case, his silence—to himself and his girlfriend—proved deadly.

It’s time to draw a new social agreement about masculinity proclaiming we will intervene with moody, shut down, angry males and not just those found on our campuses or in offices and factories. Sadly, they are also on our elementary school playgrounds and walking the corridors of our middle schools.

How many more men must lash out before we acknowledge men’s mental health is as serious a health issue as prostate cancer? Mental health treatment for troubled men must rise to the top of the national agenda if there’s to be any hope of preventing future tragedies. The killings in Illinois may have ended, but the national campaign about the crisis in masculinity has barely begun.

Generation Next's Egalitarian Monologues

by Rob Okun

From February through April each year hundreds of performances of The Vagina Monologues are performed around the world, with scores produced on college campuses. Eve Ensler’s groundbreaking play spawned an international organization, V-Day, which works to prevent violence against women and girls around the world with a particular emphasis of late on the horrendous brutality being visited on women in the Congo (www.vday.org).

In addition to productions of the play at colleges and universities, some high schools have begun producing the play, including the one in my hometown, Amherst, Massachusetts.

Performances of The Vagina Monologues, presented around the world to raise consciousness and money for the movement to end violence against women have rarely included high school productions. At Amherst High School in Massachusetts the local performance was organized by members of the Women’s Rights Club, a student group that blends activism and education about gender violence into an inspirational mix. The group is a powerful beacon spotlighting a generous vision of healing and hope of what young people are capable of achieving.

While working to end domestic and sexual violence remains a daunting task, there is cause for hope thanks to students like these, members of Generation Next. Despite coming of age amid a perpetual onslaught of violence-laden and sexualized pop culture imagery, these emerging young adults are challenging a society reluctant to admit it still sees male dominance as essential to a functioning social order.

The 2004 production of the play at Amherst High drew national media attention, including an appearance by the play’s student director on the Today show along with playwright Eve Ensler. A small firestorm of protest questioning the production being performed at a high school long ago died down. Consciousness about the topics the play explores — the reality of the dangers women face—continues to rise. Also increasing is the number of students advocating for an ongoing examination of women’s equality and safety and men’s roles in challenging violence as legitimate topics to learn about.

As a symbol for other young people to follow, the Women’s Rights Club is impressive. It has 85 members, a quarter of whom are males. In fact, one of the group’s co-presidents is a young man who speaks eloquently about why men and boys should act respectfully toward women and girls.

Among males, both in high schools and colleges, consciousness about confronting violence against women continues to grow. It is good news that more male students are getting involved. From Amherst College to Pomona College in California, in increasing numbers young men are establishing groups to educate and support themselves as they challenge one another to drop the old dominating ways they’ve been socialized to believe in. On many campuses, programs exploring a range of issues young women and men face as they grow into adulthood are seeing an increase in enrollment. Through them men get a window into the world their mothers and sisters inhabit—a world where sexual harassment and sexual assault are a fact of daily life. A world where a woman’s safety requires her to look in the backseat of her car every time she gets in it. A world where before going out at night means carrying a whistle, or making sure you know how to reach campus security. A world men don’t inhabit.

Many men chafe at acknowledging how prevalent violence against women is, minimizing the real and present danger women cope with every day. But a growing number of younger men, new leaders emerging from Generation Next, are finding their voices. To stay on pitch they must listen too; in their enthusiasm they mustn’t drown out their female counterparts in the chorus of change. It is appropriate for men to practice playing offstage roles in supporting women, and not just in obvious circumstances such as productions of The Vagina Monologues.

While men have much to learn from each other, we have much to learn from women as we work to create a safe, egalitarian society. Among the most difficult lessons is admitting we have to give up some of the privilege we enjoy. Learning that lesson in high school or college, rather than decades later, would be a welcome sign of hope for gender reconciliation for all of us.

Respect for Women Outlasts Valentine’s Flowers

by Rob Okun

Romance and love are ideals worth celebrating everyday, not just on Valentine’s Day. Just as December has been designated as gift-giving season, society—marketers, actually—spotlight mid-February for pitching romance and love. As generosity and gratitude are given short shrift in December, scant attention is paid to healthy relationships on Valentine’s Day.

The culture surrounding the holiday is in transition and in Massachusetts men are taking the lead. Rather than focusing on flowers and jewelry, men are pledging: “From this day forward, I promise to be part of the solution in ending violence against women.”

Part of the White Ribbon Day Campaign, an international effort to engage men and boys to help end violence against women, White Ribbon symbolizes a social movement to transform men from perpetrators or bystanders of violence against women to advocates on behalf of girls’ and women’s safety. Activities across the Baystate have focused on Valentine’s Day.

The White Ribbon Campaign was founded in Canada, two years after the December 6, 1989 Montréal Massacre in which 14 women students at a poly-technical institute were systematically killed and 13 other students wounded by a lone gunman. One hundred thousand men wore ribbons across Canada that first year. White Ribbon has since gone worldwide and is in 50 countries, having accumulated five million signatures and counting.

Working with men over the years, especially listening to college-age men initiating campus campaigns to challenge male violence, I hear a growing chorus of young men eager to help create a culture promoting mutuality and respect over superiority and domination. The tragic stories of violence in communities across the Commonwealth, the country and world—from harrowing cases of domestic abuse to brutal sexual assaults—are disheartening. But “antiviolence men’s work” is gaining adherents. The movement now has an important ally in the White House: As a senator, Vice-president Joe Biden led the way in urging Congress to pass the historic Violence Against Women Act. In September, he told me it was the piece of legislation of which he was most proud.

Craig Norberg-Bohm, coordinator of the men’s initiative at the Boston-based Jane Doe Inc., the statewide coalition of sexual assault and domestic violence programs, spearheads White Ribbon Day efforts in the Baystate. He crisscrosses Massachusetts, training men in violence prevention strategies and broadcasting what he learns about innovative campaigns—from men’s newspaper signature ads decrying a culture of violence to Fourth of July parade floats that proclaim “hands are not for hitting.”

The drumbeat is growing louder to create the culture of respect and safety Norberg-Bohm promotes, and the efforts of men’s programs and organizations regionally, nationally and internationally, both celebrate positive masculinity and invite men and boys to be leaders in helping end violence against women. In addition to activities in state, major men’s conferences advocating an end to violence against women are scheduled in at the end of March in Rio de Janeiro, April in Washington, D.C. and May in New York. (February has long been a month spotlighting ending violence against women, thanks to V-Day, the international campaign that grew out of productions of Eve Ensler’s powerful play, The Vagina Monologues).

What can men do? Become an “ambassador”, inviting other men to take the White Ribbon pledge, to wear a white ribbon and speak out against violence against women, sexual assault and domestic violence. Encourage faith communities to deliver the message that men must and are taking responsibility to end men’s violence against women. Highlight the inspiring and creative work being done by and with men in communities throughout Massachusetts and the country, and encourage their replication. It’s a powerful message when men proclaim: “From this day forward, I promise never to commit, condone or remain silent about violence against women, sexual assault and domestic violence. I promise to be part of the solution in ending violence against women.”

To coin a phrase, the time for talking is over. It’s time for men to take action to create a peace and justice stimulus package that declares respect and safety for women and girls (as well as for boys and men) must be a key part of any societal recovery plan. That’s Valentine’s Day present we could all appreciate receiving.